Saturday, April 21, 2012

Cohabitation became know as a sin by society back in the 1960s and 1970s. People still lived together without any guilt. Some married and some remained in stable relation ships and later married each other. Of course some of those relationships did not have any stability.
 I was raised during this time.  I saw my sisters marry because of becoming pregnant. Three of my brothers did the same thing. My other brother married when he was nineteen. All of these marriages ended in divorce. I on the other hand decided not to rush into marriage. I do not believe in divorce. I cohabited with my now husband for 7 years before getting married. I would not marry him until I felt he had worked through his problems with alcohol. He was clean and sober for the seven years we lived together.
Out of the blue , he called my father and asked him if he had his blessings to marry me. he told me of this, and asked me to marry him and I accepted. We were married days later.
Our relationship has lasted for 33 years. We always live as a married couple from the start. We had great respect and love for each other and never let society put us down. Believe me they tried.
We were lucky that our relationship lasted,even after we married.  Studies show that most relationships, like ours, do not last. It takes a lot of work and communication to make it last.
                                                                                                  Terry Begley

Friday, April 20, 2012

Cohabitation-Sam Martel

Cohabitation is becoming the "norm" for living arraingments among people today.  Cohabitation refers to the lifestyle of unmarried couples who have a sexually intimate relationship and who share a residence.  I believe that this is becoming a trend for a few reasons.  With the divorce rates in the United States close to 50%, many people, especially those that have been divorced before, are reluctant to jump into marriage again.  Many people need to get to know their partner and really talk about important topics such as children, and money.  Young adults need to know that marriage is an institution and should be taken seriously.  Many young adults see divorce as a quick way out.  For myself, I have been married once before and it ended in divorce.  I married young and really didn't know what I wanted.  I am  in a Cohabitating relationship and have been for some years now(he to is divorced) and we both are in no hurry to get married.  And that's OK.  Among the rise in cohabating relationships are young well educated adults.  I think that this is great that younger adults are focusing on their education more, and getting themselves financially stable before getting into marriage.  I hope that society in the United States can be more accepting to those in cohabatating relationships, and look at the positives instead of the negatives.

My wife’s split dream - David Adams

We see the mainline theory of Levinson’s Seasons of Life and what dreams young adults have. We see this all over society in this generation and in the ones that came before it. Young men desire to embark on a journey to increase themselves and to climb the corporate ladder while women are desiring to get married and raise a family.  Not all people flow along their gender based guidelines of this theory, but it seems true for most of us.  Now Cassie and I seem to be the exception to the rule in some things, and this is no different.  When career minded women like Cassie want to have both a family and pursue career interests, Levinson calls this The “Split Dream”. Career minded women tend to have lots of frustration since they seem conflicted as to what they should pursue. Cassie knew every last detail of her wedding right down to the color of the cake and the style of the procession.  All that was missing was the man!  She has also always been career oriented, constantly learning excelling in every position she has attained. She was diligent in her studies and got her degree and her manJ.  As children came along, it was sometimes difficult to decide which goal to pursue at that time.  Due to nature of our society, she has worked hard to find the balance between trying to be a mom and being a career woman. Spoken like a true MBA in Finance, she “Weighs the Opportunity Cost” of each decision.  She asks the question, “Will my career minded decision be detrimental toward my family, and consequently, will my family minded decision be detrimental to my career”. She states it is sometimes a very thin tightrope to walk.  At over thirty years of age she is now where she wants to be both in her career and in her family life. Although not spending enough time with her family is always weighing heavy on her mind. 

Adulthood and cohabitation

According to our text, cohabitation refers to the lifestyle of unmarried couples who have a sexually intimate relationship and who share a residence.  Boy, does this sound all too familiar to me.  I am currently in my 2nd cohabitating relationship.  My first long term relationship lasted 12 years and that was with my children's father.  I guess looking back on it I knew we would never get married.  Our relationship, i felt, was never stable long enough for me to feel comfortable enough to marry him.  He could just never live up to my expectations of what a man and father should be, thus not being good marriage material.  Plus, in not getting married there was no nasty long divorce or custody battle.  For me, lack of trust plays the biggest role in deciding to make that, what I believe to be something that should last forever.  

However, it's funny, I also believe we were not intended to be with just one person our whole lives.  We as people change and grow, often growing apart resulting in divorce.  I think we are ment to be with a person only for a certain amount of time unitl whatever it was we were with them for is complete.  We meet people for a reason to serve a purpose and when that time is through so is the relationship.  As bad as that may sound, give it time and think about it. NOTHING last forever, why should relationships be any different?

This is reflective of Levison's Season's of life theory, how our lives are either in transistion phase or in a stable phase in our life.  Emma Bukowski

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Structure of thought : PeggyAnn Swopes

Cognitive thinking continues to develop past Piaget's formal operation stage into postformal thought for early adulthood. As adolescents the preferred idealistic perspective gives way to personal effort and social experiences that exist because of increased rational, flexible, and practical ways of thinking through uncertain situations. William Perry developed the Epistemic Cognition which is the ability to reflect on how one arrived at certain facts, beliefs and ides. In obtaining a conclusion that is different from others a rational thinker will consider if the conclusion is justified and based on knowledge. The ability to separate beliefs and propositions by dividing information values, and authority into right, wrong, good, bad, we and they is dualistic thinking. When early adults become aware of differing opinions on many topics they abandon the ideal of absolute truth and begin to seek multiple truths. Aware that each person has a position the relativistic thinker develops their own truth based off of many possible truths. Ideals become less individualized. Developing the realizing that options can be evaluated rather than be a opinion is a sophisticated approach to learning. It is the act of seeking out differing perspectives for knowledge and understanding. Commitment within relativistic thinking is choosing between opposing views and formulating a satisfying perspective that synthesizes contradictions. The ability to advance in epistemic cognition comes from growth in metacognition which is likely to occur from situations that are challenging to one's perspective and force rationality of their thought process. Individual reflection about one's own thinking and peer group interaction develops reflection, competing for ones ideas, strategies and coordinating opposing perspectives.

The "Big Five"

The “Big Five”
By: Kori Bower

I am not talking about the next big lottery here; I am talking about personality.  Individuals have a personality that has been proven through research to typically remain stable through his/her lifespan.  Most of us have heard of the introvert, the extrovert, and the occasional neurotic.  Yet you may be surprised to hear that introvert is not listed as one of the big five personality traits.  “I use that word to describe one of my adult children frequently,” you might say to yourself. 

Below you will find a reference that may help you consider other ways to define your adult child.  In actuality, all of us have characteristics that fall on a continuum for each of these five traits.  Here is the list with a brief description of each:

High Characteristics
Low Characteristics
Worrisome, temperamental, self-conscious, emotional
Calm, even-tempered, unemotional, hardy
Talkative, active, passionate
Reserved, passive, quite, emotionally uncreative
Openness to experience
Creative, original, liberal, curious
Down-to-earth, conventional, conservative
Trusting, good-natured, generous, lenient
Irritable, critical, suspicious, antagonist
Hard-working, punctual, well-organized, persevering
Lazy, aimless, negligent, nonresistant

These traits have been researched across cultures.  Agreeableness and conscientiousness expand after the adolescent years into middle age adulthood.  Extroversion and openness to experience tend not to change, and neuroticism tends to decrease.  This research also concluded that personality has a genetic influence.  (Berk, 2010)

Consider these defining terms to describe your adult children now that you have an expanded knowledge of personality.  

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Social Clocks

We've all heard of a woman's biological clock.  But, have you ever heard of a social clock?

There are 3 types of social clocks: masculine, feminine, and neither.  Really scientific, huh? 

The masculine clock usually applies to males, but doesn't have to.  People that follow the masculine social clock are more career oriented and focused.  They want to develop their professional life before they have a family.  Once they feel their professional life has been established, they then focus on developing a family.

The feminine social clock is generally followed by women, but, once again, doesn't have to be.  The feminine social clock is centered around marriage and family.  Upon becoming an adult (generally and legally seen as 18 years old) they start to focus on finding "the one", getting married, and then starting a family with a kid or two.  After they have a family, they begin to question themselves and thier decisions.  At this point in time, you see people (usually women) return to work or school. 

Those that follow the masculine social clock have been found to be more satisfied with their life choices.  More woman are said to be following the masculine social clock in our society today.

Were you one of those that followed the feminine social clock?  Are you beginning to feel dissatisfied with your life and the way it is heading?  Maybe it is time for a change.  You could pick up a new hobby, jump back into the workforce, or obtain a college degree.  All of these things can lead to a higher level of life satisfaction.

Holli Mason