At some point in our lives we all have to go through this. Whether it is you, who is the child leaving for college or you, the parent who feels left behind. Letting go can be one of the hardest things to do as a parent and exciting for the child, finally branching out on our own. Parents have positive relationships with their grownup children because their “letting go” process was gradual. When it is finally time for you to let go try to make sure you have things to do. If all you have ever done is cared for your children and you come home to nothing you will begin to feel nostalgic and this situation can quickly become sad and distressing. But, if you have a job and other activities to come home to parents can then accept their new status.
I don’t know about you but my mother definitely has had a hard time letting go, I guess this is really why I wanted to write this. She feels since she is the “Mom” and any advice she gives I automatically have to do, no if and’s or but’s about it. When the unavoidable end of the relationship finally comes, authority declines significantly. Sustained communication, contact, and affection make for a small event when the separation occurs. A study in New Zealand shows that, “parents who had been warm and supportive in middle childhood and adolescence were more likely to experience contact and closeness with their child in early adulthood (Belsky et al, 2001).
So, when it does come time to drop your baby girl off to college, just remember, she is on her way to everything you want her to be. And now you will be able to go on that great cruise you wanted to go on. Who knows? The change of your relationship can be you closer than it has ever been.
Jackie Raio
Jackie,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with your post. After I moved to California, my mother and I became closer in 10 months than what we did in 19 years. Now that we live in the same house again, we seem to be declining, but I look for that to turn around when I move out again.
Holli Mason
I also think that the relationship you have with your spouse or significant other has an affect on the "empty nest syndrom" as well. I have heard advice saying that you should wait at least two years to have a child after you get married because you need to learn to live with your spouse without children before you have children. If you have children at the very beginning it would be harder to figure out how to live with your spouse without your children around. But if you build that foundation before you start having kids then it is easier to have it just be the two of you again. I don't know if this is really true but it seems to have some logic to it. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteKelsea Bedford