Cohabitation
Cohabitation became know as a sin by society back in the 1960s and 1970s. People still lived together without any guilt. Some married and some remained in stable relation ships and later married each other. Of course some of those relationships did not have any stability.
 I was raised during this time.  I saw my sisters marry because of becoming pregnant. Three of my brothers did the same thing. My other brother married when he was nineteen. All of these marriages ended in divorce. I on the other hand decided not to rush into marriage. I do not believe in divorce. I cohabited with my now husband for 7 years before getting married. I would not marry him until I felt he had worked through his problems with alcohol. He was clean and sober for the seven years we lived together.
Out of the blue , he called my father and asked him if he had his blessings to marry me. he told me of this, and asked me to marry him and I accepted. We were married days later.
Our relationship has lasted for 33 years. We always live as a married couple from the start. We had great respect and love for each other and never let society put us down. Believe me they tried.
We were lucky that our relationship lasted,even after we married.  Studies show that most relationships, like ours, do not last. It takes a lot of work and communication to make it last.
                                                                                                  Terry Begley

Cohabitation-Sam Martel

Cohabitation is becoming the "norm" for living arraingments among people today.  Cohabitation refers to the lifestyle of unmarried couples who have a sexually intimate relationship and who share a residence.  I believe that this is becoming a trend for a few reasons.  With the divorce rates in the United States close to 50%, many people, especially those that have been divorced before, are reluctant to jump into marriage again.  Many people need to get to know their partner and really talk about important topics such as children, and money.  Young adults need to know that marriage is an institution and should be taken seriously.  Many young adults see divorce as a quick way out.  For myself, I have been married once before and it ended in divorce.  I married young and really didn't know what I wanted.  I am  in a Cohabitating relationship and have been for some years now(he to is divorced) and we both are in no hurry to get married.  And that's OK.  Among the rise in cohabating relationships are young well educated adults.  I think that this is great that younger adults are focusing on their education more, and getting themselves financially stable before getting into marriage.  I hope that society in the United States can be more accepting to those in cohabatating relationships, and look at the positives instead of the negatives.

My wife’s split dream - David Adams

We see the mainline theory of Levinson’s Seasons of Life and what dreams young adults have. We see this all over society in this generation and in the ones that came before it. Young men desire to embark on a journey to increase themselves and to climb the corporate ladder while women are desiring to get married and raise a family.  Not all people flow along their gender based guidelines of this theory, but it seems true for most of us.  Now Cassie and I seem to be the exception to the rule in some things, and this is no different.  When career minded women like Cassie want to have both a family and pursue career interests, Levinson calls this The “Split Dream”. Career minded women tend to have lots of frustration since they seem conflicted as to what they should pursue. Cassie knew every last detail of her wedding right down to the color of the cake and the style of the procession.  All that was missing was the man!  She has also always been career oriented, constantly learning excelling in every position she has attained. She was diligent in her studies and got her degree and her manJ.  As children came along, it was sometimes difficult to decide which goal to pursue at that time.  Due to nature of our society, she has worked hard to find the balance between trying to be a mom and being a career woman. Spoken like a true MBA in Finance, she “Weighs the Opportunity Cost” of each decision.  She asks the question, “Will my career minded decision be detrimental toward my family, and consequently, will my family minded decision be detrimental to my career”. She states it is sometimes a very thin tightrope to walk.  At over thirty years of age she is now where she wants to be both in her career and in her family life. Although not spending enough time with her family is always weighing heavy on her mind. 

Adulthood and cohabitation

According to our text, cohabitation refers to the lifestyle of unmarried couples who have a sexually intimate relationship and who share a residence.  Boy, does this sound all too familiar to me.  I am currently in my 2nd cohabitating relationship.  My first long term relationship lasted 12 years and that was with my children's father.  I guess looking back on it I knew we would never get married.  Our relationship, i felt, was never stable long enough for me to feel comfortable enough to marry him.  He could just never live up to my expectations of what a man and father should be, thus not being good marriage material.  Plus, in not getting married there was no nasty long divorce or custody battle.  For me, lack of trust plays the biggest role in deciding to make that, what I believe to be something that should last forever.  

However, it's funny, I also believe we were not intended to be with just one person our whole lives.  We as people change and grow, often growing apart resulting in divorce.  I think we are ment to be with a person only for a certain amount of time unitl whatever it was we were with them for is complete.  We meet people for a reason to serve a purpose and when that time is through so is the relationship.  As bad as that may sound, give it time and think about it. NOTHING last forever, why should relationships be any different?

This is reflective of Levison's Season's of life theory, how our lives are either in transistion phase or in a stable phase in our life.  Emma Bukowski

Structure of thought : PeggyAnn Swopes

Cognitive thinking continues to develop past Piaget's formal operation stage into postformal thought for early adulthood. As adolescents the preferred idealistic perspective gives way to personal effort and social experiences that exist because of increased rational, flexible, and practical ways of thinking through uncertain situations. William Perry developed the Epistemic Cognition which is the ability to reflect on how one arrived at certain facts, beliefs and ides. In obtaining a conclusion that is different from others a rational thinker will consider if the conclusion is justified and based on knowledge. The ability to separate beliefs and propositions by dividing information values, and authority into right, wrong, good, bad, we and they is dualistic thinking. When early adults become aware of differing opinions on many topics they abandon the ideal of absolute truth and begin to seek multiple truths. Aware that each person has a position the relativistic thinker develops their own truth based off of many possible truths. Ideals become less individualized. Developing the realizing that options can be evaluated rather than be a opinion is a sophisticated approach to learning. It is the act of seeking out differing perspectives for knowledge and understanding. Commitment within relativistic thinking is choosing between opposing views and formulating a satisfying perspective that synthesizes contradictions. The ability to advance in epistemic cognition comes from growth in metacognition which is likely to occur from situations that are challenging to one's perspective and force rationality of their thought process. Individual reflection about one's own thinking and peer group interaction develops reflection, competing for ones ideas, strategies and coordinating opposing perspectives.

The "Big Five"

The “Big Five”

By: Kori Bower

I am not talking about the next big lottery here; I am talking about personality.  Individuals have a personality that has been proven through research to typically remain stable through his/her lifespan.  Most of us have heard of the introvert, the extrovert, and the occasional neurotic.  Yet you may be surprised to hear that introvert is not listed as one of the big five personality traits.  “I use that word to describe one of my adult children frequently,” you might say to yourself. 

Below you will find a reference that may help you consider other ways to define your adult child.  In actuality, all of us have characteristics that fall on a continuum for each of these five traits.  Here is the list with a brief description of each:

Trait	High Characteristics	Low Characteristics
Neuroticism	Worrisome, temperamental, self-conscious, emotional	Calm, even-tempered, unemotional, hardy
Extroversion	Talkative, active, passionate	Reserved, passive, quite, emotionally uncreative
Openness to experience	Creative, original, liberal, curious	Down-to-earth, conventional, conservative
Agreeableness	Trusting, good-natured, generous, lenient	Irritable, critical, suspicious, antagonist
Conscientiousness	Hard-working, punctual, well-organized, persevering	Lazy, aimless, negligent, nonresistant

These traits have been researched across cultures.  Agreeableness and conscientiousness expand after the adolescent years into middle age adulthood.  Extroversion and openness to experience tend not to change, and neuroticism tends to decrease.  This research also concluded that personality has a genetic influence.  (Berk, 2010)

Consider these defining terms to describe your adult children now that you have an expanded knowledge of personality.  

Social Clocks

We've all heard of a woman's biological clock.  But, have you ever heard of a social clock?

There are 3 types of social clocks: masculine, feminine, and neither.  Really scientific, huh? 

The masculine clock usually applies to males, but doesn't have to.  People that follow the masculine social clock are more career oriented and focused.  They want to develop their professional life before they have a family.  Once they feel their professional life has been established, they then focus on developing a family.

The feminine social clock is generally followed by women, but, once again, doesn't have to be.  The feminine social clock is centered around marriage and family.  Upon becoming an adult (generally and legally seen as 18 years old) they start to focus on finding "the one", getting married, and then starting a family with a kid or two.  After they have a family, they begin to question themselves and thier decisions.  At this point in time, you see people (usually women) return to work or school. 

Those that follow the masculine social clock have been found to be more satisfied with their life choices.  More woman are said to be following the masculine social clock in our society today.

Were you one of those that followed the feminine social clock?  Are you beginning to feel dissatisfied with your life and the way it is heading?  Maybe it is time for a change.  You could pick up a new hobby, jump back into the workforce, or obtain a college degree.  All of these things can lead to a higher level of life satisfaction.

Holli Mason

Social and Emotional Development in infants

------Nkechi Anyanwu
through the first year of life , infants grow tremendously at a fast rate. they babble coo and cry to communicate pain , fear disconnect or loneliness. They love to be touched and held close, therefore experts encourage parents or caregivers to cuddle them frequently and provide objects for infants to feel, touch, mouth and explore. By four months infants begin to return a smile. Therefore parents are encouraged to help infants develop a sense of trust and security by responding to their cries. When parents do this and are consistent with it, it encourages the infant to want to try new things and help them develop a sense of self worth and security.
The first year of life is also when infants are starting to develop their senses, therefore scholars recommend that parents or caregivers expose babies to bright colors and a variety of objects to look at. They are encouraged to provide environment rich with sound (such as house hold sounds), provide opportunities for infants to smell different smells and expose them to different taste and temperatures in food. Some parents are sensitive when it comes to exposing their infants to different environments especially exposure to taste and smell. For instance, when my nephew was born, my brothers wife was obsessed with decorating the whole house with only baby products and baby scents (this is her first baby). Household chores such as cleaning (vacuuming, dusting, washing with heavy detergents such as bleach/ammonia), and cooking would have to be done only when the baby is not around because she thought that was what was suitable for the baby's environment. Not only did it inconvenience those of us who lived in the same house, but after reading articles for social and emotional development of infants i can see that those household items and chores that she didn't want around the baby are actually suitable for the baby's development. Not only are they suitable for the baby's development, in fact some those articles states that baby's actually enjoy smelling tree bark, dirt, grass, and other natural things. And these exposures also help them develop an appropriate immune system.

ADULTHOOD

At some point in our lives we all have to go through this. Whether it is you, who is the child leaving for college or you, the parent who feels left behind. Letting go can be one of the hardest things to do as a parent and exciting for the child, finally branching out on our own. Parents have positive relationships with their grownup children because their “letting go” process was gradual. When it is finally time for you to let go try to make sure you have things to do. If all you have ever done is cared for your children and you come home to nothing you will begin to feel nostalgic and this situation can quickly become sad and distressing. But, if you have a job and other activities to come home to parents can then accept their new status.

 I don’t know about you but my mother definitely has had a hard time letting go, I guess this is really why I wanted to write this. She feels since she is the “Mom” and any advice she gives I automatically have to do, no if and’s or but’s about it. When the unavoidable end of the relationship finally comes, authority declines significantly. Sustained communication, contact, and affection make for a small event when the separation occurs. A study in New Zealand shows that, “parents who had been warm and supportive in middle childhood and adolescence were more likely to experience contact and closeness with their child in early adulthood (Belsky et al, 2001).

            So, when it does come time to drop your baby girl off to college, just remember, she is on her way to everything you want her to be. And now you will be able to go on that great cruise you wanted to go on. Who knows? The change of your relationship can be you closer than it has ever been.

Jackie Raio

When are you an Adult?

Adulthood is a culturally driven phase of life. Different people reach adulthood at different times. Legally, adulthood begins when a person turns 18. That is when you get all of the rights of an adult. Different families see it differently. I think that adulthood starts with responsibility. A person is considered to be an adult when he/she has taken on the responsibility of taking care of him/herself. It is very possible for a 16 year old to not have the legal rights of an adult but be considered an adult if that person is living on their own, working at a job, paying their own bills and taking care of themselves without the help of their parents. It is also possible for a 30 year old to still live at home, not contribute to the house financially and not have any responsibility in the home. I would not consider this person to be an adult. Then there is everything in between. That is where early adulthood comes it. Early adulthood is the transition between being a fully dependent child that has your parents making all the decisions for you and taking care of you, to being an adult that makes all of the decisions for yourself and takes care of yourself. This transition lasts different lengths of time for just about everybody. And everyone’s situation is unique.

Amanda Tompkins

Transitioning through Adulthood- Ashleigh Sayles

 Feeling like you do not know which direction your life is heading in? 

 Are you at that point when you must start making more permanent life decisions?

 According to Erikson's theory by the time a person reaches adulthood the controversy is intimacy versus isolation. People's form of intimacy is a progression from their style of attachment in earlier life. How individuals interact with the important people in their lives is something that typically stays constant throughout the lifespan. Although isolation may not be the primary goal for any person, at times people find themselves without an intimate partner for various reasons. Commonly, most people say that adulthood brings on the question of family versus career. In a lot of ways the 2 statements are not only correct but similar. Intimacy is something that comes strongly in adulthood for picking a permanent mate. Although, for men and women the age that this becomes a major decision is different, family and reproduction typically is a big step for all adults. A theorist named Levinson defines these different stages for men and women as the “seasons of life.” Through this theory he shows that in their 20's men are more focused on making secure career decisions. While women struggle with whether to focus their career or starting a family. By the time, these same individuals reach their 30's men are now the one's searching for a life partner and the women are trying to define themselves apart from their family through education or employment. These major decisions in life are one's that all adults face and must transition past to reach the next level of maturity. -Ashleigh Sayles

Adulthood

Adulthood

by Susan Davis

           Parenting adult children requires a different set of communication skills than it took when they were younger. Patterns of behavior from childhood, especially response patterns, tend to remain. One of my children solicits advice. The other does not want advice. What do you do when you see your adult children making choices you think are wrong? They believe they are invincible. They also believe that their parents do not want them to have any fun. Young adults believe, “parents just do not understand.” How do you get a young adult to listen to your well- meaning advice? When will they stop having negative reactions to the advice given by parents? I ask my daughters if they want to hear my suggestions. If they say “no” or “not really” I just keep my suggestions to myself. Usually, they will bring the subject back up at a later time and ask for my advice. Sometimes they use my suggestions and sometimes they do not. It is hard to be patient and let them make their own decisions. At times, they have to learn from their own mistakes just like we did. Experience is not always the best teacher, but it can be a painful teacher for young adults. Parents give advice because we do not want to see our children make mistakes. There are some positive things we can do to parent our young adult children:

1)      Pray, Pray, and Pray.

2)      Do not let them use you for financial support. This will make them more financially-independent and resilient than their friends who have parents to lean on.

3)      Be an ally and just listen.

4)      Do not offer advice every time you talk to them. Let them ask for it.

5)      Do not try to be there best friend, be the parent.

6)      Offer support and encouragement.

Just remember young adults are still going through a great deal of changes. They are possibly still in college, forming intimate relationships, or going to work. Young adults usually want to make these decisions on their own, after all they are now “grownup.”

Letting Go

As your child grows up they will go through many different stages. One of those final stages is going to be adulthood. It can either be them leaving home for college or just moving out in general and taking on the world without you by their side. This can be a very difficult time in a parents life, your baby is growing up and you are probably feeling like you are no longer needed. This transitioning time in life can also be bittersweet, you are proud of them for making the transition to be a successful individual, but at the same time you are losing them due to their independence. Here are some helpful tips for you as parents to adjust and work through this emotional time. 

- Realize that even though your child is gone and starting their life, you are still their parent and always will be. Nothing will change that. 

- After your child moves out, make sure to give yourselves time to adjust to them being gone by re-adjusting your focus from them to yourselves. You can do this by picking up a hobby that you have been wanting to do but just haven't had the time. 

- Considering your child has an agenda of their own now, it will be possible that you are going to have to figure out ways to fit in their schedule. Be sure to respect their interests and understand what is important to them. 

- Even though your child is not longer under your roof, you can still advise and aim them in the right direction, but make sure not to push or pressure them. 

- Make sure and understand that it is normal to have anxiety and have a feeling of loss. 

Overall, this is a normal transition that most parents go through. Once you come to the realization that your child has left the nest, just focus on how to stay active and how to make your life exciting. This new phase of your life has plenty of things to offer, you just need to get out and experience them. :) 

April Wiland 

When Should College Students Consider Getting Help with their Problems?

When Should College Students Consider Getting Help with their Problems? -------Nkechi Anyanwu

  Researchers say that college students experience more stress and are more depressed today than in the past. Academic circumstances are said to create the most stress for students such as tests and finals, grades and competition, professors and class environment, too many demands, papers, career and future success. Personal circumstances said to cause the most stress for students are relationships, finances, parental conflicts and expectations, and roommate conflicts. These daily events and life hassles clearly wear out ones coping skills at a certain point and can also affect the student’s health. The effects involve the classic fight and flight response with all the psychological attendant behavior such as, raised blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, impaired immune function, GI track problems, and so on.   

    One should consider getting help when psychological stress lingers and interferes with the person’s sense of wellbeing and ability to function, feelings that one is unable to cope effectively, hopelessness or depressed feelings, and when one starts to experience physical symptoms that have no underlying cause.  

      Talking to someone when things are bothering them is one of the most effective ways of handling stress. When talking to someone about the problems, some people may prefer to join support groups or individual counseling; some may do better with career planning and relationship workshops. The student should find out what services works better for him/her and address the problem immediately. Furthermore, when fostering a healthy adult life, some things that can help buffer stress are; exercise, engaging in healthy eating and maintain a reasonable body weight, control alcohol intake and avoid smoking, and engage in responsible sexual behaviors.     

        

Elevator vs. Stairs

Today, over 34% of adults in the United States are obese. Weight is obviously an issue in this country.  I believe that the way we are raised as children and then what eating habits we decide to choose when we enter adulthood can really make a difference.  Along with a nutritious diet exercise is so important in maintaining a healthy weight.  An adult should exercise regularly to stay fit and healthy.  Studies show that about 40% of adults in the United States are inactive, meaning they do not regularly exercise.  Even the small stuff helps, take the stairs rather than the elevator, and ride a bike to class rather than driving your car.  Exercise is not only good for your health right now, but there are major benefits in the long term as well.  Exercising lowers your risk of diseases, it also lowers your anxiety and depression and it helps you to be in a better mood.  So next time your adult child or even yourself have the option of going to McDonalds or going to the gym to work out, do not just think of the right here right now benefits, but also think about your long term health.

-Elisabeth Arnold

Parenting Adult Children

     Moms, have you ever wondered why your 27 year old son is so focused on moving up the career ladder when at 22 your daughter talks no stop about having a family.  Well if you have, this one is for you.  Most men are brought up focused on working and more “men” types of roles.  We have them help cut wood and mow yards and work in the garage.  It is not surprising that when they are older, the number one focus is a career.  Young men seem to think that the path to success is having a great career and achieving as much as they can through the wok place.  Now let’s think about your daughter.  She always helped you with the dishes and cooking and more than likely her first job was babysitting.  She played the more “women” types of roles when she was a young girl.  When she finishes school, her main focus on how to be successful is based on the more domestic types of goals.  She may want a family and that life is completely fulfilling to her.

     Let’s skip ahead to when your children hit their thirties.  These focus areas of how to be successful and feeling fulfilled almost reverses.  Your son has accomplished so much in is work, he is going to start thinking that there might be something more out there he wants.  He might look for a more stable relationship and move on toward family life with children.  It seems at this stage, he has been able to fulfill both sides of the spectrum.  The same goes for your daughter at this stage.  Her children are older and she will start to think about her career more.  She has spent most of her adult life, so far, being a mom or a wife, and now she will start to feel like she wants something more; a more fulfilling career.

     As parents, we worry about our children every time we breathe.  This is one area we can stop worrying.  Our sons and daughters will follow a path, although a different one, and end up with what they want and feel great about it.  It takes some time and now that we know this, we should give our sons and daughters less grief about the choices they make.  So take a breath and let nature run it’s course.

Samantha York

STD's and Your Teen

Natalie Rhoton

Sexually Transmitted Diseases, STD’s, are a very serious issue that is often swept under the rug of society.  This is an issue that many people do not like to talk about, let alone parents talking to their children about the issue.  In early adolescents there are so many changes in a young person, between the estrogen in young girls bringing about development and menarche and the androgens in young males gathering interest in sex, hormones are on the rise.  If young teens are not educated early on about practicing safe sex, their changes increase the chances of contracting an STD.  There are several different types of STD’s, some which are curable, but there are some which there are no cure.  AID’s is the most serious STD, but there are other STD’s that have no cure, and can be life altering. 

Parents, this is a very important time in your child’s life.  No matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be, early adolescents are the time to start talking to your pre-teens and teens about the importance of protection.  Parents also need to educate your selves to the dangers of STD’s and how they are transmitted.  Education is always the best protection.