Cohabitation
Cohabitation became know as a sin by society back in the 1960s and 1970s. People still lived together without any guilt. Some married and some remained in stable relation ships and later married each other. Of course some of those relationships did not have any stability.
 I was raised during this time.  I saw my sisters marry because of becoming pregnant. Three of my brothers did the same thing. My other brother married when he was nineteen. All of these marriages ended in divorce. I on the other hand decided not to rush into marriage. I do not believe in divorce. I cohabited with my now husband for 7 years before getting married. I would not marry him until I felt he had worked through his problems with alcohol. He was clean and sober for the seven years we lived together.
Out of the blue , he called my father and asked him if he had his blessings to marry me. he told me of this, and asked me to marry him and I accepted. We were married days later.
Our relationship has lasted for 33 years. We always live as a married couple from the start. We had great respect and love for each other and never let society put us down. Believe me they tried.
We were lucky that our relationship lasted,even after we married.  Studies show that most relationships, like ours, do not last. It takes a lot of work and communication to make it last.
                                                                                                  Terry Begley

Cohabitation-Sam Martel

Cohabitation is becoming the "norm" for living arraingments among people today.  Cohabitation refers to the lifestyle of unmarried couples who have a sexually intimate relationship and who share a residence.  I believe that this is becoming a trend for a few reasons.  With the divorce rates in the United States close to 50%, many people, especially those that have been divorced before, are reluctant to jump into marriage again.  Many people need to get to know their partner and really talk about important topics such as children, and money.  Young adults need to know that marriage is an institution and should be taken seriously.  Many young adults see divorce as a quick way out.  For myself, I have been married once before and it ended in divorce.  I married young and really didn't know what I wanted.  I am  in a Cohabitating relationship and have been for some years now(he to is divorced) and we both are in no hurry to get married.  And that's OK.  Among the rise in cohabating relationships are young well educated adults.  I think that this is great that younger adults are focusing on their education more, and getting themselves financially stable before getting into marriage.  I hope that society in the United States can be more accepting to those in cohabatating relationships, and look at the positives instead of the negatives.

My wife’s split dream - David Adams

We see the mainline theory of Levinson’s Seasons of Life and what dreams young adults have. We see this all over society in this generation and in the ones that came before it. Young men desire to embark on a journey to increase themselves and to climb the corporate ladder while women are desiring to get married and raise a family.  Not all people flow along their gender based guidelines of this theory, but it seems true for most of us.  Now Cassie and I seem to be the exception to the rule in some things, and this is no different.  When career minded women like Cassie want to have both a family and pursue career interests, Levinson calls this The “Split Dream”. Career minded women tend to have lots of frustration since they seem conflicted as to what they should pursue. Cassie knew every last detail of her wedding right down to the color of the cake and the style of the procession.  All that was missing was the man!  She has also always been career oriented, constantly learning excelling in every position she has attained. She was diligent in her studies and got her degree and her manJ.  As children came along, it was sometimes difficult to decide which goal to pursue at that time.  Due to nature of our society, she has worked hard to find the balance between trying to be a mom and being a career woman. Spoken like a true MBA in Finance, she “Weighs the Opportunity Cost” of each decision.  She asks the question, “Will my career minded decision be detrimental toward my family, and consequently, will my family minded decision be detrimental to my career”. She states it is sometimes a very thin tightrope to walk.  At over thirty years of age she is now where she wants to be both in her career and in her family life. Although not spending enough time with her family is always weighing heavy on her mind. 

Adulthood and cohabitation

According to our text, cohabitation refers to the lifestyle of unmarried couples who have a sexually intimate relationship and who share a residence.  Boy, does this sound all too familiar to me.  I am currently in my 2nd cohabitating relationship.  My first long term relationship lasted 12 years and that was with my children's father.  I guess looking back on it I knew we would never get married.  Our relationship, i felt, was never stable long enough for me to feel comfortable enough to marry him.  He could just never live up to my expectations of what a man and father should be, thus not being good marriage material.  Plus, in not getting married there was no nasty long divorce or custody battle.  For me, lack of trust plays the biggest role in deciding to make that, what I believe to be something that should last forever.  

However, it's funny, I also believe we were not intended to be with just one person our whole lives.  We as people change and grow, often growing apart resulting in divorce.  I think we are ment to be with a person only for a certain amount of time unitl whatever it was we were with them for is complete.  We meet people for a reason to serve a purpose and when that time is through so is the relationship.  As bad as that may sound, give it time and think about it. NOTHING last forever, why should relationships be any different?

This is reflective of Levison's Season's of life theory, how our lives are either in transistion phase or in a stable phase in our life.  Emma Bukowski

Structure of thought : PeggyAnn Swopes

Cognitive thinking continues to develop past Piaget's formal operation stage into postformal thought for early adulthood. As adolescents the preferred idealistic perspective gives way to personal effort and social experiences that exist because of increased rational, flexible, and practical ways of thinking through uncertain situations. William Perry developed the Epistemic Cognition which is the ability to reflect on how one arrived at certain facts, beliefs and ides. In obtaining a conclusion that is different from others a rational thinker will consider if the conclusion is justified and based on knowledge. The ability to separate beliefs and propositions by dividing information values, and authority into right, wrong, good, bad, we and they is dualistic thinking. When early adults become aware of differing opinions on many topics they abandon the ideal of absolute truth and begin to seek multiple truths. Aware that each person has a position the relativistic thinker develops their own truth based off of many possible truths. Ideals become less individualized. Developing the realizing that options can be evaluated rather than be a opinion is a sophisticated approach to learning. It is the act of seeking out differing perspectives for knowledge and understanding. Commitment within relativistic thinking is choosing between opposing views and formulating a satisfying perspective that synthesizes contradictions. The ability to advance in epistemic cognition comes from growth in metacognition which is likely to occur from situations that are challenging to one's perspective and force rationality of their thought process. Individual reflection about one's own thinking and peer group interaction develops reflection, competing for ones ideas, strategies and coordinating opposing perspectives.

The "Big Five"

The “Big Five”

By: Kori Bower

I am not talking about the next big lottery here; I am talking about personality.  Individuals have a personality that has been proven through research to typically remain stable through his/her lifespan.  Most of us have heard of the introvert, the extrovert, and the occasional neurotic.  Yet you may be surprised to hear that introvert is not listed as one of the big five personality traits.  “I use that word to describe one of my adult children frequently,” you might say to yourself. 

Below you will find a reference that may help you consider other ways to define your adult child.  In actuality, all of us have characteristics that fall on a continuum for each of these five traits.  Here is the list with a brief description of each:

Trait	High Characteristics	Low Characteristics
Neuroticism	Worrisome, temperamental, self-conscious, emotional	Calm, even-tempered, unemotional, hardy
Extroversion	Talkative, active, passionate	Reserved, passive, quite, emotionally uncreative
Openness to experience	Creative, original, liberal, curious	Down-to-earth, conventional, conservative
Agreeableness	Trusting, good-natured, generous, lenient	Irritable, critical, suspicious, antagonist
Conscientiousness	Hard-working, punctual, well-organized, persevering	Lazy, aimless, negligent, nonresistant

These traits have been researched across cultures.  Agreeableness and conscientiousness expand after the adolescent years into middle age adulthood.  Extroversion and openness to experience tend not to change, and neuroticism tends to decrease.  This research also concluded that personality has a genetic influence.  (Berk, 2010)

Consider these defining terms to describe your adult children now that you have an expanded knowledge of personality.  

Social Clocks

We've all heard of a woman's biological clock.  But, have you ever heard of a social clock?

There are 3 types of social clocks: masculine, feminine, and neither.  Really scientific, huh? 

The masculine clock usually applies to males, but doesn't have to.  People that follow the masculine social clock are more career oriented and focused.  They want to develop their professional life before they have a family.  Once they feel their professional life has been established, they then focus on developing a family.

The feminine social clock is generally followed by women, but, once again, doesn't have to be.  The feminine social clock is centered around marriage and family.  Upon becoming an adult (generally and legally seen as 18 years old) they start to focus on finding "the one", getting married, and then starting a family with a kid or two.  After they have a family, they begin to question themselves and thier decisions.  At this point in time, you see people (usually women) return to work or school. 

Those that follow the masculine social clock have been found to be more satisfied with their life choices.  More woman are said to be following the masculine social clock in our society today.

Were you one of those that followed the feminine social clock?  Are you beginning to feel dissatisfied with your life and the way it is heading?  Maybe it is time for a change.  You could pick up a new hobby, jump back into the workforce, or obtain a college degree.  All of these things can lead to a higher level of life satisfaction.

Holli Mason

Social and Emotional Development in infants

------Nkechi Anyanwu
through the first year of life , infants grow tremendously at a fast rate. they babble coo and cry to communicate pain , fear disconnect or loneliness. They love to be touched and held close, therefore experts encourage parents or caregivers to cuddle them frequently and provide objects for infants to feel, touch, mouth and explore. By four months infants begin to return a smile. Therefore parents are encouraged to help infants develop a sense of trust and security by responding to their cries. When parents do this and are consistent with it, it encourages the infant to want to try new things and help them develop a sense of self worth and security.
The first year of life is also when infants are starting to develop their senses, therefore scholars recommend that parents or caregivers expose babies to bright colors and a variety of objects to look at. They are encouraged to provide environment rich with sound (such as house hold sounds), provide opportunities for infants to smell different smells and expose them to different taste and temperatures in food. Some parents are sensitive when it comes to exposing their infants to different environments especially exposure to taste and smell. For instance, when my nephew was born, my brothers wife was obsessed with decorating the whole house with only baby products and baby scents (this is her first baby). Household chores such as cleaning (vacuuming, dusting, washing with heavy detergents such as bleach/ammonia), and cooking would have to be done only when the baby is not around because she thought that was what was suitable for the baby's environment. Not only did it inconvenience those of us who lived in the same house, but after reading articles for social and emotional development of infants i can see that those household items and chores that she didn't want around the baby are actually suitable for the baby's development. Not only are they suitable for the baby's development, in fact some those articles states that baby's actually enjoy smelling tree bark, dirt, grass, and other natural things. And these exposures also help them develop an appropriate immune system.

ADULTHOOD

At some point in our lives we all have to go through this. Whether it is you, who is the child leaving for college or you, the parent who feels left behind. Letting go can be one of the hardest things to do as a parent and exciting for the child, finally branching out on our own. Parents have positive relationships with their grownup children because their “letting go” process was gradual. When it is finally time for you to let go try to make sure you have things to do. If all you have ever done is cared for your children and you come home to nothing you will begin to feel nostalgic and this situation can quickly become sad and distressing. But, if you have a job and other activities to come home to parents can then accept their new status.

 I don’t know about you but my mother definitely has had a hard time letting go, I guess this is really why I wanted to write this. She feels since she is the “Mom” and any advice she gives I automatically have to do, no if and’s or but’s about it. When the unavoidable end of the relationship finally comes, authority declines significantly. Sustained communication, contact, and affection make for a small event when the separation occurs. A study in New Zealand shows that, “parents who had been warm and supportive in middle childhood and adolescence were more likely to experience contact and closeness with their child in early adulthood (Belsky et al, 2001).

            So, when it does come time to drop your baby girl off to college, just remember, she is on her way to everything you want her to be. And now you will be able to go on that great cruise you wanted to go on. Who knows? The change of your relationship can be you closer than it has ever been.

Jackie Raio

When are you an Adult?

Adulthood is a culturally driven phase of life. Different people reach adulthood at different times. Legally, adulthood begins when a person turns 18. That is when you get all of the rights of an adult. Different families see it differently. I think that adulthood starts with responsibility. A person is considered to be an adult when he/she has taken on the responsibility of taking care of him/herself. It is very possible for a 16 year old to not have the legal rights of an adult but be considered an adult if that person is living on their own, working at a job, paying their own bills and taking care of themselves without the help of their parents. It is also possible for a 30 year old to still live at home, not contribute to the house financially and not have any responsibility in the home. I would not consider this person to be an adult. Then there is everything in between. That is where early adulthood comes it. Early adulthood is the transition between being a fully dependent child that has your parents making all the decisions for you and taking care of you, to being an adult that makes all of the decisions for yourself and takes care of yourself. This transition lasts different lengths of time for just about everybody. And everyone’s situation is unique.

Amanda Tompkins

Transitioning through Adulthood- Ashleigh Sayles

 Feeling like you do not know which direction your life is heading in? 

 Are you at that point when you must start making more permanent life decisions?

 According to Erikson's theory by the time a person reaches adulthood the controversy is intimacy versus isolation. People's form of intimacy is a progression from their style of attachment in earlier life. How individuals interact with the important people in their lives is something that typically stays constant throughout the lifespan. Although isolation may not be the primary goal for any person, at times people find themselves without an intimate partner for various reasons. Commonly, most people say that adulthood brings on the question of family versus career. In a lot of ways the 2 statements are not only correct but similar. Intimacy is something that comes strongly in adulthood for picking a permanent mate. Although, for men and women the age that this becomes a major decision is different, family and reproduction typically is a big step for all adults. A theorist named Levinson defines these different stages for men and women as the “seasons of life.” Through this theory he shows that in their 20's men are more focused on making secure career decisions. While women struggle with whether to focus their career or starting a family. By the time, these same individuals reach their 30's men are now the one's searching for a life partner and the women are trying to define themselves apart from their family through education or employment. These major decisions in life are one's that all adults face and must transition past to reach the next level of maturity. -Ashleigh Sayles

Adulthood

Adulthood

by Susan Davis

           Parenting adult children requires a different set of communication skills than it took when they were younger. Patterns of behavior from childhood, especially response patterns, tend to remain. One of my children solicits advice. The other does not want advice. What do you do when you see your adult children making choices you think are wrong? They believe they are invincible. They also believe that their parents do not want them to have any fun. Young adults believe, “parents just do not understand.” How do you get a young adult to listen to your well- meaning advice? When will they stop having negative reactions to the advice given by parents? I ask my daughters if they want to hear my suggestions. If they say “no” or “not really” I just keep my suggestions to myself. Usually, they will bring the subject back up at a later time and ask for my advice. Sometimes they use my suggestions and sometimes they do not. It is hard to be patient and let them make their own decisions. At times, they have to learn from their own mistakes just like we did. Experience is not always the best teacher, but it can be a painful teacher for young adults. Parents give advice because we do not want to see our children make mistakes. There are some positive things we can do to parent our young adult children:

1)      Pray, Pray, and Pray.

2)      Do not let them use you for financial support. This will make them more financially-independent and resilient than their friends who have parents to lean on.

3)      Be an ally and just listen.

4)      Do not offer advice every time you talk to them. Let them ask for it.

5)      Do not try to be there best friend, be the parent.

6)      Offer support and encouragement.

Just remember young adults are still going through a great deal of changes. They are possibly still in college, forming intimate relationships, or going to work. Young adults usually want to make these decisions on their own, after all they are now “grownup.”

Letting Go

As your child grows up they will go through many different stages. One of those final stages is going to be adulthood. It can either be them leaving home for college or just moving out in general and taking on the world without you by their side. This can be a very difficult time in a parents life, your baby is growing up and you are probably feeling like you are no longer needed. This transitioning time in life can also be bittersweet, you are proud of them for making the transition to be a successful individual, but at the same time you are losing them due to their independence. Here are some helpful tips for you as parents to adjust and work through this emotional time. 

- Realize that even though your child is gone and starting their life, you are still their parent and always will be. Nothing will change that. 

- After your child moves out, make sure to give yourselves time to adjust to them being gone by re-adjusting your focus from them to yourselves. You can do this by picking up a hobby that you have been wanting to do but just haven't had the time. 

- Considering your child has an agenda of their own now, it will be possible that you are going to have to figure out ways to fit in their schedule. Be sure to respect their interests and understand what is important to them. 

- Even though your child is not longer under your roof, you can still advise and aim them in the right direction, but make sure not to push or pressure them. 

- Make sure and understand that it is normal to have anxiety and have a feeling of loss. 

Overall, this is a normal transition that most parents go through. Once you come to the realization that your child has left the nest, just focus on how to stay active and how to make your life exciting. This new phase of your life has plenty of things to offer, you just need to get out and experience them. :) 

April Wiland 

When Should College Students Consider Getting Help with their Problems?

When Should College Students Consider Getting Help with their Problems? -------Nkechi Anyanwu

  Researchers say that college students experience more stress and are more depressed today than in the past. Academic circumstances are said to create the most stress for students such as tests and finals, grades and competition, professors and class environment, too many demands, papers, career and future success. Personal circumstances said to cause the most stress for students are relationships, finances, parental conflicts and expectations, and roommate conflicts. These daily events and life hassles clearly wear out ones coping skills at a certain point and can also affect the student’s health. The effects involve the classic fight and flight response with all the psychological attendant behavior such as, raised blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, impaired immune function, GI track problems, and so on.   

    One should consider getting help when psychological stress lingers and interferes with the person’s sense of wellbeing and ability to function, feelings that one is unable to cope effectively, hopelessness or depressed feelings, and when one starts to experience physical symptoms that have no underlying cause.  

      Talking to someone when things are bothering them is one of the most effective ways of handling stress. When talking to someone about the problems, some people may prefer to join support groups or individual counseling; some may do better with career planning and relationship workshops. The student should find out what services works better for him/her and address the problem immediately. Furthermore, when fostering a healthy adult life, some things that can help buffer stress are; exercise, engaging in healthy eating and maintain a reasonable body weight, control alcohol intake and avoid smoking, and engage in responsible sexual behaviors.     

        

Elevator vs. Stairs

Today, over 34% of adults in the United States are obese. Weight is obviously an issue in this country.  I believe that the way we are raised as children and then what eating habits we decide to choose when we enter adulthood can really make a difference.  Along with a nutritious diet exercise is so important in maintaining a healthy weight.  An adult should exercise regularly to stay fit and healthy.  Studies show that about 40% of adults in the United States are inactive, meaning they do not regularly exercise.  Even the small stuff helps, take the stairs rather than the elevator, and ride a bike to class rather than driving your car.  Exercise is not only good for your health right now, but there are major benefits in the long term as well.  Exercising lowers your risk of diseases, it also lowers your anxiety and depression and it helps you to be in a better mood.  So next time your adult child or even yourself have the option of going to McDonalds or going to the gym to work out, do not just think of the right here right now benefits, but also think about your long term health.

-Elisabeth Arnold

Parenting Adult Children

     Moms, have you ever wondered why your 27 year old son is so focused on moving up the career ladder when at 22 your daughter talks no stop about having a family.  Well if you have, this one is for you.  Most men are brought up focused on working and more “men” types of roles.  We have them help cut wood and mow yards and work in the garage.  It is not surprising that when they are older, the number one focus is a career.  Young men seem to think that the path to success is having a great career and achieving as much as they can through the wok place.  Now let’s think about your daughter.  She always helped you with the dishes and cooking and more than likely her first job was babysitting.  She played the more “women” types of roles when she was a young girl.  When she finishes school, her main focus on how to be successful is based on the more domestic types of goals.  She may want a family and that life is completely fulfilling to her.

     Let’s skip ahead to when your children hit their thirties.  These focus areas of how to be successful and feeling fulfilled almost reverses.  Your son has accomplished so much in is work, he is going to start thinking that there might be something more out there he wants.  He might look for a more stable relationship and move on toward family life with children.  It seems at this stage, he has been able to fulfill both sides of the spectrum.  The same goes for your daughter at this stage.  Her children are older and she will start to think about her career more.  She has spent most of her adult life, so far, being a mom or a wife, and now she will start to feel like she wants something more; a more fulfilling career.

     As parents, we worry about our children every time we breathe.  This is one area we can stop worrying.  Our sons and daughters will follow a path, although a different one, and end up with what they want and feel great about it.  It takes some time and now that we know this, we should give our sons and daughters less grief about the choices they make.  So take a breath and let nature run it’s course.

Samantha York

STD's and Your Teen

Natalie Rhoton

Sexually Transmitted Diseases, STD’s, are a very serious issue that is often swept under the rug of society.  This is an issue that many people do not like to talk about, let alone parents talking to their children about the issue.  In early adolescents there are so many changes in a young person, between the estrogen in young girls bringing about development and menarche and the androgens in young males gathering interest in sex, hormones are on the rise.  If young teens are not educated early on about practicing safe sex, their changes increase the chances of contracting an STD.  There are several different types of STD’s, some which are curable, but there are some which there are no cure.  AID’s is the most serious STD, but there are other STD’s that have no cure, and can be life altering. 

Parents, this is a very important time in your child’s life.  No matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be, early adolescents are the time to start talking to your pre-teens and teens about the importance of protection.  Parents also need to educate your selves to the dangers of STD’s and how they are transmitted.  Education is always the best protection.

Motor Development and Physical Activity with Adolescents - Jacob Hughes

During the adolescence period or the teenage years, many teens face everyday situations where their self-image is looked at in either a positive or negative way. While teens may not let parents know how they feel about themselves physically, it is important for parents to notice any changes and let them be known. Boys and girls both can face issues with their physical self by taking drastic measures to increase or decrease their weight or mass. More commonly seen with boys; legal vitamin supplements such as protein, creatine, caffeine, and many other drugs are being abused with or without parents' observation and it is affecting teens in a physically harmful way. The supplements if taken correctly and advised by a doctor can help with health issues. Supplements can also be very detrimental to teens including muscle tissue diseases, brain seizures, and heart irregularities, acne, high blood pressure, damage to liver, and many other harmful side affects. Although girls are not commonly seen or heard of taking these supplements; the truth is that girls are taking some forms of supplements to aid with their desired physical appearance and it is affecting girls in a negative way as well. Parents should be involved in teens' lives enough so that teens can feel comfortable with sharing about their physical appearances. With doing so, parents can be one step closer to finding out about posiible risks the teen may be taking.

Adjustments made easier...

 The United States is in an age when media dictates societal norms.  Teens need a filter to identify healthy boundaries, choose reactions to their changing world, and find a sense of identity and connectedness.   Childhood experiences have laid a foundation in the development of self-esteem and interactions with the world, yet these are not permanent.  While peers remain a very strong influence, adjustments to puberty are made easier with support of parents, family, and adult mentor relations. 

A strong predictor of the developing adolescent’s self-esteem is that of body image.  Timing of puberty in relation to their age group strongly influences their responses to this transition.   Reactions to this change and its timing is nearly opposite between males and females.   While there is no set time frame for changes, peer identification steers their social encounters.  Adolescents often hang out with peers that look similar to them. 

 If changes occur early, females are often anxious, depressed, and may begin to act out or “hang-out” with older people engaging in risky behaviors.  Or perhaps they may turn to destructive eating disorders in an attempt to reduce size and embrace their idea of the perfect girl—usually this is a very thin image in American media.   Males tend to embrace the changes in body shapes occurring in puberty.  Masculine image of muscles and athletics are emphasized in US society, so the changes are more welcome.   Those individuals struggling with gender identity may be further at risk during body changes.   Response to this conflict may produce dangerous eating behaviors or risky acts.

Because changes in body shapes affect males and females differently, parents need to be aware of the individual’s needs.  A sense of belonging and acceptance will enable healthy self-esteem and body image.  By encouraging communication, knowing what their interests are and being involved with their daily lives, parents can be a safe vessel in a stormy time of change.   Emotions are heightened and adolescent-parent interactions may be tense at times.   The phrase “pick your battles” is useful when addressing resistance from teens.   While their responses may seem disrespectful or irrational, it is quite natural for teens to seek some autonomy.   Their world is changing.  A balance of give and take, while keeping firm expectations and a presence in their daily activities will give a strong message of love. 

“Outside stressors” such as family and peer relations, and school, work expectations also play a vital role in how they see themselves.  Adolescents with higher stress factors (lower educational and employment options, dangerous examples of risky behaviors or alcohol/drug abuse, and less family structure) can suffer the most and are strongly influenced by the messages in media and peer groups.   To reduce the effects of stress and hardships, adolescents need a strong support base from parent, family, or mentors.   Such relationships will allow them to explore their changes in a way that encourages acceptance and a healthy body-image.  In this way, they will be less vulnerable to internal insecurities or self-doubt. 

  

Glenda Roach

So your teenager is now a parent...

Now that your teenager is now a parent themselves it is going to change a lot of things for the whole family. Your adolescent parent will need support and encouragement. This is not going to be easy for anyone but you should try to be as supportive as possible. The first thing that needs to be decided when your adolescent becomes pregnant or impregnates someone is whether they are going to keep the baby, give it up for adoption, or abortion. I myself do not like the last option but it is an option for anyone who gets pregnant.
If your adolescent keeps the baby then they will need encouragement to stay in school and they will probably need help learning parenting skills. Another issue they will need support for is stress management. Their lives are going to be extremely stressful but if their parents stay involved hopefully things will work out for the better. My advice to you if your son is a father is to encourage them to stay involved. A baby needs a mother and a father in their lives both emotionally and financially. Your adolescent will need a mentor, someone they can go to for emotional support and guidance. That mentor should be someone who can also be their friend because most teenage parents do not have a lot of friends that can relate to their situation. There are schools that offer child care while the student is in class. I think this would be very benificial because schools that provide this service reduce the incidence of low-birth-weight babies, increase educational success, and prevent additional childbearing.
Which brings me to my next topic, a second pregnancy. Make sure you are talking with your teen about contraceptives and what they can do to prevent another pregnancy. Most teens with children, end up of a second pregnancy within a few years. Hopefully with my advice you can have a nice relationship with your adolescent parent.

By: Kristyn Farrice

Moodiness in Adolescents

Moodiness in Adolescents

As parents, we are constantly wondering why our teenagers are so moody, and why their moods change so fast. The rapid changing of a teen’s brain links to the changing of moods in teens.  Hormones although, are not the main reason why teenagers are so moody, but they can play a big role in your teenager’s moodiness. There is a hormone called THP or (allopregnanolone), which releases into our bodies during stressful moments.  In adults, this hormone can be calming, but in teenagers, it can cause anxiety in teens, that leads to moodiness in teenagers (Poncelet, 2012). There is some good news though about this hormone in teenagers. The THP hormone tends to go away as the teen approaches adulthood (Poncelet, 2012). Other reasons causing your teenager to be moody are, negative life events such as, parents, disciplinary actions at school, and breaking up with a boyfriend or girl friend. Parents may also make an assumption as to whether the moodiness is caused from their teenager possibly being depressed.  If this is the case parents should look for signs as to how long their teenagers moodiness lasts, weight loss or weight gain, sleep disturbances, withdrawal from friends and family or talk of suicide. Concerned parents should also contact their family physician for more information (Poncelet, 2012).  There are some exercises and strategies that parents can use with their teenagers. Parents can introduce journal keeping, this exercise will help teenagers express their emotions and thoughts. However, parents must remember that there is a chance that their teen may not react very well to this exercise. Therefore, you must be ready to counter a negative response with a positive reaction in order to continue to hold the reigns (troubledteeninfo.com, 2009). If you are concerned about your teenager’s behavior, you should call your family physician (Poncelet, 2012).

Amber Reinecke

Adolescence

 Body image can be a number one priority among adolescence, and if taken too far can lead to serious consequences. Women are more at risk for developing an eating disorder. The two most common types are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. More than 90% of cases of anorexia occur in females. It usually develops between the ages of 12 and 18 (onset of adolescence). People with anorexia usually have a fear of weight gain, have a distorted body image, or can have a denial of the seriousness of being underweight. Women can also develop amenorrhea  ( the absence of 3 or more consecutive menstrual periods). A subtype of anorexia if the restricting type; this is weight loss through dieting, tasting, and excessive exercise.  I have a friend who fits this description.  She is always talking about eating and exercising. I can tell those are the things she worries about the most.  She says things like "nothing sounded good so I just didn't eat".  She is now under 100 pounds. She has always been petite so a healthy weight for her would be around 115. I try to encourage her to eat a variety of different things and I tell her she does not need to work out every day.

The next common eating disorder is bulimia nervosa. This involves eating unusually high quantity of food during a short period of time and then followed by purging. It is an onset in the late teens. Some consequences of this include: osteoporosis, dry yellowed skin, heart irregularities, hypotension, decay of tooth enamel, abdominal pain, and absence of menstruation, etc.

I think our society places  great importance on appearance in defining who we are. Societal pressures can make adolescence have an unrealistic standard of thinness which is the number one reason why an eating disorder can develop. I think we need to send a message to teens that being healthy and active is what is important and not about how much one weighs.

-Chelsea Duncan

Parent Child Relationships

Jordan Milliken
Parent Child Relationships

Adolescence is defined as the transition between childhood and adulthood. This stage of life is introduced by puberty, which is a flood of biological events leading to an adult-sized body and sexual maturity. The immediate physical and psychological changes taking places cause psychological distancing from parents. This is a time in the adolescents’ life where they begin to solve problems and make decisions more effectively. Their view of parental control starts to dwindle as they now have an improved ability to reason about social relationships. Parents are now starting to become “just people”.  A warm, supportive parent-adolescent relationship is best for this time in the adolescent’s life. This allows them to explore ideas and social roles foster autonomy, which predict high self-reliance, work orientation, academic competence, favorable self-esteem, and ease of separation in the transition to college. It is important that parents keep a close eye on the young person’s daily life through a cooperative relationship to provoke positive outcomes. The quality of the parent-adolescent relationship is the single most consistent predictor of mental health.  In well-functioning families this will result in a closer relationship in later teenage years.

Establishing Lines of Communication

Adolescence is seen by most parents as a time when a child’s brain seems to shut down. Communication may seem very difficult from a parent’s perspective, mostly in part because they feel what is trying to be relayed to the child goes in one ear and out the other.

However, during this time in a child’s life most learning process, problem solving and brain development take place. So, the ability to communicate and teach life skills from parent to child, although difficult at times, is most important. It is important to talk to your child everyday. Cover everyday or common topics and venture into the land of the uncomfortable often. Bring up things that are embarrassing, not only to the child but to yourself too. By practicing this and laying the ground work early, it will make the more difficult conversations to come easier. Also the child will become familiar with the lines of communications that have been established, in turn making it easier for them to turn to a parent when support is needed. Another important factor in maintaining a supportive relationship with an adolescent and to remain involved in their life. Support their interest and offer to take part in them at any point of the venture. Even something as menial as giving them a ride, to things like attending activities as a spectator will encourage the adolescent to pursue their interest to their fullest potential. This encouragement and support with strengthen the bond between the parent and child by reassuring the child that they have the support of their parent. Also, this time spent strengthens the parent-child bond and opens the opportunity for communication to take place and all parties involved benefit from learning more about each other. Being involved can be tiresome, expensive, boring and time consuming but the reward is well worth it. By establishing the role as a supportive and interested parent, precedence will be set and will make it much easier to respect the boundary of being a parent and not being a friend. 

James M. Parker

Academic Achievement in Adolescence- Zara Foley

After reading chapter eleven, I was reassured that I'm doing SOMETHING right with my 14 year old.  According to our book, "gradually permitting autonomy with age, achieve especially well."  Even though she is grounded right now, she knows her freedoms and choices are up to her right now.  Our kids have chores, have to maintain a certain GPA, and have to do what they are told.  A lot of things have changed as our kids have gotten older.  They are allowed to walk about five blocks to the community center, have friends over, join in school activities, go to dances and ride bikes.  This hasn't always been the case.  When they were littler, and more immature they did not get to do these things.  But as they have gotten older, their reponsibilities have grown, as well as their freedom to do things on their own.  Now that she is grounded, her freedom is gone until her restriction is over, and she proves to us she is trustworthy.  She hasn't done anything a teenager her age typically doesn't do- but we don't allow our kids to cuss.  We found out her and her sister had been cussing around their friends- and we were totally shocked our "church kids" had foul mouths.  Throughout the last few years we had been giving our kids speeches about how their responsibility gives them what they want as well.  Their grades are wonderful and it makes me feel reassured that our parenting style will result in effort, high achievement, and educational aspirations.

Eating disorders - Jordan Howe

            Coming into the adolescence period of life can be very confusing. They are trying to figure out who they really are and where they fit in. With the pressures of peers and family there can be so many things going through an adolescents head. Around the beginning of this time period teens are very concerned with what people think about them and who likes them. They are also surrounded by television and magazines that tell them they should look just like all the models. Anorexia and Bulimia is very common among girls, but is found among boys also. Some people will do whatever it takes to feel good about themselves and look how they have been told they should look. Anorexia is where people starve themselves because they are afraid of getting fat. Even though it may work in making you skinny, it is very bad for you! It can cause many health problems, such as the heart muscle begins to shrink, the kidneys can fail, and irreversible brain damage and loss of bone mass can occur, it can also cause an extremely distorted body image. Bulimia is where people go on strict diets and do excessive exercise accompanied by binge eating, often followed by deliberate vomiting. This is also very dangerous to your health as it can cause damage to your throat and stomach, and can also erode the enamel on your teeth.

Anorexia and Bulimia are very common disorders among adolescents and is something that we need to be more aware of. We need to make sure that these people know how much they are loved and that it doesn’t matter what they look like. There also needs to be more education on these subjects and just how dangerous they can be to people.  

Communication is Key for Adolescents

          As our book points out, in American culture it is typical for adolescents to remain in their parent’s home until they reach late teens.  This can cause disputes between the adolescents and their parents as the adolescents strive to find themselves and their place.  Parents often try to guide their children by forcing them to adhere to the parent’s ideas of social norms, etc.  With the rage of hormones within the adolescent, wanting to be accepted by peers, and finding themselves, these young adults are often mistaken for lacking good judgment and common sense.  As a parent having dealt with my children who now range in age from 25 to 37, it was not always easy to smooth their path for the transition from adolescents to adulthood.  I would recommend to anyone raising children to learn the art of listening to your children.  Learn to truly hear what they are saying and you will find the more you listen and the less you talk, (known as lecturing by kids), you will be able to guide the child in decision making more effectively.  As a parent you do not have to allow bad behavior, but often there are underlying reason the adolescent is doing what they are doing.  The parent who leans to listen and have empathy or understanding for their child will gain more ground than the parent who tries to force every issue that comes along.  There will be times you as a parent will need to possibly force an issue, however, these can be few if you just listen.  Just remember, communication is key in dealing with adolescents. - Sam Dillé  

Adolescence: Deciding the Future

     Maybe your child is good at sports?  Maybe your child is good at academics?  Maybe your child is talented at singing or playing an instrument?  Adolescence is a time for your child to explore their options and determine what they are good at.
     The best thing you can do for your child is encourage them and be supportive.  Don't discourage them from doing the things they like to do or the things they are really good at!!  I have four daughters and each of them has things that they are really good at.  I was always big into sports and so was my wife so naturally we wanted our children to be athletes.  Our oldest daughter did not have a lot of athletic ability but she did well in school and had a lot of friends.  We never held it against her and encouraged her to do the things she liked even though we would have loved for her to be an athlete.  Our second daughter was a decent athlete but she really liked cheerleading so we supported her.  Our third daughter, she was the brains of the family, academically she was always striving to do her best.  She was a decent athlete and also was a cheerleader, but her strength was her academics.  Then came our youngest and finally we got our athlete.  She tried cheerleading and didn't like it and all of our girls did above average in school.
     My point is that each of them had their strengths and we gave them the freedom to make their own choices about what they wanted to do and supported their decision.  We didn't try to force them to be what we wanted them to be.  Adolescence is hard enough without having to try to live up to expectations that are not what they want but trying to live up to parents expectations.

Chuck Harper

I am NOT gay!

I am a lesbian….That short, seemingly simple, sentence took me years to be able to say out loud. Fear, uncertainty, social stigma, religious teachings all encouraged my silence.

As an adolescent I became, as most adolescents do, increasingly aware of the people I was attracted to.  I wondered why I didn’t want a boyfriend like all the other kids and why I was so drawn to my best friend. When we kissed, I understood.   Yet, for 3 years I told myself I was not a lesbian. I did not want to be a lesbian, and no one would know that I was in a relationship with a woman.

I remember sitting next to my partner, 16 years old, listening to a lecture about homosexuality and why it was wrong. I remember my youth minister, a man a highly respected, asking the group one question: do you all understand that homosexuality is a sin? I also vividly remember my thought: No, I do not. For the first time I opened my mouth about the topic of homosexuality. I asked him how someone, who has no choice about who they are attracted to, could possibly be sinning.  How could this thing that you have no control over be wrong? His look assured me that was a question better left unasked.

After I fell silent again, among my peers, my friends, my mentors, I realized never again would I question their teachings and never would I reveal my true orientation.  I chose to live a lie. I chose to lie to my family, my friends, my teachers, essentially to everyone I had known.  I chose to live in fear.

As a society it is important to understand that we all have biases, we have groups of people that make us feel uncomfortable. Perhaps it is the welfare moms that are living off your tax dollars or even the young black kids with their pants too low that get your blood pressure elevated.  What I also know about biases is that with more information and more exposure to those groups of people we have, the more our biases begin to lessen.  We begin to put ourselves into their shoes.  

Homosexuality is not simply a lifestyle choice, it is an orientation that 2-3% of the population experience.  As a parent you can make or break your child’s acceptance of their orientation.   Suicide attempts are unusually high among gay and lesbian young people and with a few simple words: “I love you for exactly who you are” you have the power to comfort your child in one of the most difficult periods of their life.

By Tina Parker

There Is A Real Reason Why Your Teen Thinks The World Revolves Around Them!

There Is A Real Reason Why Your Teen Thinks The World Revolves Around Them!

                                                By Samie McCullough

How many times have you caught yourself saying to your teenager, “The world does not revolve around you!”?  Then after making that comment do you wonder why your teen really thinks the whole world is focused on them?  Surprisingly, the answer to that question is simple.  By the age of 13 egocentrism, which is being self-centered, is coming into full force in your teen’s life.  Also, during the adolescent years, teenagers begin to develop a cognitive concept called imaginary audience.  Imaginary audience is when teens literally believe that they are the focus of everyone else’s attention and concern.  This concept explains a) why they cannot leave the house without looking absolutely perfect and to achieve perfectiveness it may them take several hours, b) why they say they must have a certain item because everyone has this item and if they don’t have it they will be totally uncool, c) why you and your spouse are totally uncool and you tend to be embarrassing to them, and d) why they almost fall completely apart when they are criticized in any way by anybody.  During this stage of life for teenagers image in any form is everything to them, because they truly believe the whole world is watching them.

So you are probably wondering what you can do to help your teen through this stage, and quite frankly, what you can do to get through it yourself.  The first and most important thing to do is to be patient and remember that this is just a phase for your teenager.  Being patient is critical, because it will allow you to relax a little on the crazy behaviors exhibited by your teenager.  However, there are two important things to remember in the phase in imaginary audience that will help you survive alive.  First, do not hug, kiss, or touch your moody teenager in public.  This will be total embarrassment for them, especially in front of their peers.  Instead, just remember that they do love you and some day you will get to hug your child again.  Second, do not tell them “when I was your age”.  This statement will only confirm to your teenager that you do not understand them or their problems.   You see, to teenagers their problems are totally different from anyone else’s in the world.  The statement “when I was your age” also shows to them that you do not comprehend the seriousness of their situation.  So in conclusion the best advice I have to give on your moody teen is this: Hold on, the ride is going to be bumpy.